I’ve always been a bit nervous to open up and get personal on this blog because, well, it’s the internet and anyone can read this. I have enough trouble in real life
opening up to people and feeling vulnerable, so you can imagine how much harder it is to feel secure about typing out feelings and personal things in a public forum. With that said, I’ve been enjoying the (sometimes personal) questions that get emailed every now and then and figured it’s time to start opening up more on here. Let’s give this whole “getting personal” thing a whirl, shall we?
For this first post, I wanted to address one of my goals for 2015
. Biking from Seattle to Portland has always been a goal of mine since becoming a bike owner.
Tickets for the bike ride went on sale a couple weeks ago and I pulled the trigger on securing a spot. In all honesty, it felt amazing to buy the ticket and say to myself, “Fuck yeah! This is happening! I’m going to get my butt in shape to ride 200 miles in a weekend and have amazingly strong legs by the end of the summer.”
However, these feelings of excitement and invincibility slowly started to die over the last few weeks. After going on my first bike ride of 2015 a couple weekends ago and barely making it 10 miles before being super winded from a tiny hill, the feeling of panic and regret are now starting to seep in. My thoughts have been darting all over the place from, “Oh boy, I’m going to die trying to bike to Portland,” immediately followed by, “No, you can totally do this. YOU WILL DO THIS!!”, and then later thinking, “Can I get a refund? I should get a refund, right? Right? Maybe? I don’t know anymore.”
I don’t want to be a quitter and I want to see this goal through.
It’s a mental exercise as much as it is a physical one. The mental challenge honestly feels like the harder hurdle of the two right now because I am afraid of failure and letting myself down by not meeting this lofty goal. It sounds silly because I set this goal myself, but I’ve shied away from pushing myself too hard in the past. Getting over letting myself down is something I’ve struggled with in the past and makes me feel somewhat insecure about my own abilities. I feel like I’ve been on the verge of psyching myself out of achieving this goal at least once a week and am so grateful for positive, encouraging, inspiring friends.
This weekend, my friends put together a “first time STP riders training plan” and we went out on our first group ride together. It was the first time I had committed to a ride for longer than 20 miles in a single trip and I didn’t know what to expect. My cycling friends are all insanely fit (they ride multiple times a week, participate in other sports, or hit the gym regularly) and I am by far the wimpiest one. It’s inspiring to be around them because I get to learn how to be a better rider and how to pace myself appropriately. They are all so selfless and caring, too. If anyone in the group ever falls behind the main pack (ahem… usually me), someone will stay back and pick up the rear so I’m never battling road cycling alone.
I’m really proud of making it through my first 30 mile bike ride!! The end goal is to hit 100 miles in a single day and this weekend’s ride finally made me feel like this distance is doable. I know I still have a lot of training to do (gosh, trying to build up to 3x today’s distance is going to be tough), but I can at least see a small glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel!
I hope to have more updates on the cycling training over the next few months leading up to STP in July! LET’S DO THIS!!